I am beginning to lose my hair from the chemo, and it is a disconcerting and confusing process. I didn’t have all that much hair to begin with. It has always been both thin and fine, and I cut it short in anticipation of hair loss. So the process is probably a lot quicker for me than it is for others. But it’s still just, well, creepy.
Washing my hair is creepy. The feeling of the little bit of hair is creepy, like a mat on my head or something. And so much of it comes out. It sticks to my hands and clogs the bathtub drain. I don’t do much of anything else with my hair these days. No brushing, try not to touch it. It doesn’t come out in clumps, though. It falls out in wisps, little light wisps. This is fine except that they sometimes like to get into my eyes, or worse, my mouth. The other thing is that is sometimes hurts. I have had a couple of areas on my scalp that just became very sensitive for awhile. I’d been horrified that I might be getting sores or something, but my daughter checked and said no.
I am sorely tempted to shave it all off, just to get it over with. I told myself I would do it when I started getting bald spots. I don’t have big, clumpy spots now, but there are definite areas where the hair seems to be missing. It looks unhealthy. I have thought about putting a hat or scarf over it, but I am afraid the hair will get all over my nice hats and scarves and ruin them.
I really hate the idea of shaving it off. It feels contrived or phony somehow. I have become kind of sensitive to making it obvious when I’m out in public that I have cancer. I spent years having strangers stop me in the store to tell me how sorry they were that my daughter had been kidnapped. I don’t look forward to pitying looks or comments now.
Anyway, feel free to cast your vote if you have one!